No state now recognizes marriage between people of the same sex (although as noted elsewhere, there is a chance that this could change). This is not to say that the couple cannot go through a wedding ceremony when clergy can be found to officiate. However, no license will be issued authorizing a marriage, and even where licenseless marriages are legitimate, no such marriage between persons of the same sex will have any legal effect. Neither partner can acquire the status of wife or husband, and neither would be widowed by the death of the other nor have any of the privileges of a spouse.

The good news is that any same-sex couple can duplicate by contract many of the privileges normally reserved for married couples, with distinct advantages over married couples who do not have such contracts. For example, a relationship contract can provide that customary kinds of disputes in the relationship will be taken before a specially selected arbitration panel. A provision calling for arbitration can prevent the potentially enormous legal expenses, embarrassment and anguish of having the dispute heard in court. A same-sex couple can enter into agreements as to the formalities of their relationship. They can have the deeds to their homes drawn in such a way that the property passes directly to the surviving partner when one of them dies (see Ownership of Property under FINANCES and Joint Ownership under WILLS). A contract can be drawn up specifying the ownership of income or other property acquired before or during the relationship and setting forth what procedure is to be followed in lieu of divorce if and when the relationship is over.

Many gay and lesbian couples find it desirable to give each other "power of attorney" for certain kinds of transactions (such as writing checks or getting into a safe deposit box). In addition, a power of attorney may be drafted to take effect only in the event the person becomes incapacitated or legally incompetent. In the absence of this kind of power of attorney, the incapacitated person's lover will have no authority to take care of the incapacitated lover's property and financial affairs. A power of attorney can prevent this problem and allow the person's lover (or whoever he or she chooses) to manage everything. One thing a power of attorney cannot do is ensure that real property can be sold or mortgaged. Title insurance companies and mortgage lenders sometimes refuse to allow the sale of real property even if there is a valid power of attorney, unless the courts appoint a guardian and approve the sale or mortgage. Despite this difficulty, it is a good idea to include language in the power of attorney specifically authorizing the agent to sell or mortgage real property.

The power of attorney must be signed in the presence of a notary public. The original may be recorded in your county Register of Deeds with signed and notarized copies for the writer and the agent (the person who is given the power of attorney).

N.C.G.S. § 32A-1 provides a statutory short form power of attorney that is commonly used in North Carolina, but the use of this form can sometimes lead to unnecessary complications. It is far better to have a lawyer draw up a detailed power of attorney spelling out all of the powers outlined in N.C.G.S. § 32A-2, as well as other powers -- such as the right to file bankruptcy or apply for government benefits -- that are not listed in that section. The POA should also specify that the agent should be the person appointed as guardian in the event of incompetency proceedings. A detailed power of attorney that can be easily read and understood by a bank, insurance company or other institution will usually be accepted quickly. An additional reason to avoid using the North Carolina short form is that it is often difficult to use outside of the state.

A difficult situation exists where the partners have not formalized their relationship and have just lived together, pooling their resources. Both may tend to feel proprietary toward everything in their common possession, or assume that if one member of the couple bought it, he or she owns it without regard to who cared for it, fixed it, used it, or sacrificed something else for it. Married couples who divorce in North Carolina will have all property acquired during marriage "equitably distributed" by the courts. Unmarried couples have sometimes used the courts in other states to settle their property disputes, but to our knowledge there have been no "palimony" cases involving gay or lesbian couples in North Carolina.

Some gay or lesbian couples want to formalize their relationship by having one member of the couple legally adopt the other. However, an adoption, unlike a marriage or other arrangement, is final and irrevocable. Any benefit to be derived from adoption could be more easily derived from a specially drafted relationship contract, will, and power of attorney. Prior to the repeal of North Carolina's inheritance tax, same-sex couples could avoid unnecessary tax by adopting each other, but this is no longer a consideration.

However, in those extremely rare cases where adult adoption is appropriate, N.C.G.S. §§ 48-5-100 through 48-5-103 provide a procedure by which an adult can legally become the parent of another adult if both parties consent.

People thinking about living together should seriously consider writing wills, powers of attorney and an agreement as to their finances and other concerns. Without a will, a person's property will go to his or her relatives (see WILLS). If there is no will or other written contract, the survivor may have a difficult time proving ownership of his or her own property. We have heard of cases where the parents or nephews of a person who died without a will claimed ownership of all the property in the person's household, whether it actually belonged to the deceased or not.